Preperation

So, I decided to start planning my weight loss. I feel super fat and ugly. There are a few reasons for feeling ugly though, I'm not exaggerating. Overall I have pretty good self-esteem, but my period ended a few days ago and I still have a break out all over my face which could've been caused by my menstrual cycle, but I think it's also because of the amount of chocolate that I have consumed over the past month.

Secondly, I sat on the floor earlier, smoking a cigarette (I know.. But I am quitting again...) and I was sitting with my knees against my chest and I could feel my stomach pushing against my diaphragm and making it impossible for me to breath. I officially have a bloated gut.

Along with a bloated gut, I have a double chin, wobbling under arms, huge thighs and last but not least, I have tree stumps for ankles.

With my preparation, I have decided that instead of printing out loads of papers and actually being environmentally friendly, I will download some apps to ensure I do what I need to do. I started by downloading "Home workout MMA Spartan Free by Arsutech" and then continued to look for a diet plan, but not any diet plan, a diet plan with an alarm.

The Home workout MMA Spartan Free by Arsutech looks really good, I haven't used it yet, but I will on Monday, and give feedback on that.

However. Here's a million dollar idea for anyone that knows how to create an app.

So, as soon as I find something suitable, I will get back to you.

The first.

I returned yesterday from a month long holiday in Ireland and Scotland. I bought a project book two days ago to write down what I want in the next two years (or at least the next twelve months). Boredom usually gets the best of me and I decided to write down everything. What I want to do with my business, what I want to do physically (a bit more on that down the line), and what I want to accomplish spiritually.

I wrote down all my business ideas, the old and new, because I want to be successful. I want to live on my own and not worry about money. That being said, I am 29 years old. I have two diplomas in forensic investigations (see my other blog for interesting topics), and I am not a forensic investigator. I am an entrepreneur and a part time waitress. I like it, I can work whenever I want to work, and the more I work, the more money I get. It suits my lifestyle, but I am a workaholic.

Camp Safe Myself to me is about two things.

1. Become what I want to be physically and spiritually.
2. Become independent enough to support a child by myself.

WHAT? Yes, I said support a child by myself. That's all I've wanted for the past 3 years, and this is my tipping point. It's now or never...

So, here's the plan. I am going to update my physical improvements on a regular basis, I would love to say daily, but I know myself and it just won't work.

My deadlines:

31 October 2016 (yes, on Halloween) I want to weigh my goal weight, which is quite a big goal. I did set the standards bloody high. Also on this date I want to move out of the house, into my own house.

31 April 2017 I want to be pregnant. I want a January/February baby, it's just better for the child.

So, you might be thinking what just crossed my mind, or not... Why do I need to save myself?

Number one, I weighed myself this morning, I am a whopping 97.4 kg, or in the rest of the world's terms 214.7 lbs. I am 1.77 meters tall, which is 5'8". My current BMI is 31, and you might think that the BMI thing is a waste of time, but I do believe that it's telling me that I am overweight, and according to the chart I am "Obese Class I". My goal weight, that I expressly stated above is a very high goal, is to weigh 65 kg or 143.3 lbs which would make my BMI 20 which is normal, or in my eyes PERFECT.

My spiritual issues come with a few things. First off, I'm religious, but I don't practice my religion. Secondly, this one is fun, I suffer from depression and anxiety, which causes a range of derangements. In combinatorial mathematics, a derangement is a permutation of the elements of a set, such that no element appears in its original position. The number of derangements of a set of size n, usually written Dn, dn, or !n, is called the "derangement number" or "de Montmort number". That is however, not what I meant. I meant that I have issues because I suffer from my insanity. I overeat, I overthink, I'm always worried that someone doesn't like me, or I feel as though no one likes me, and then I want to be left alone, and the next second I want the whole world to love me, and that is another problem.

I have slept with at least 21 guys in my life, and I think that number is a bit too high, so I'm keeping the one in order not to make the number rise. I am promiscuous. I also feel that it's necessary to have sex on a daily basis, although... No. He will not be the father of my child.

Issues with my weight have taken over my mind, along with the thoughts of rejection as my last chance for love was with a guy named LJ who lives in Ireland and we've been talking for 6 years on Facebook. My absolute last chance, and it didn't work. And I say last chance because I fucking hate depending on people especially when it concerns my happiness.

So, revenge on the world would be to look absolutely amazing and be a single mom with a successful business. 

Here's pictures from 2009 that I thought you should see. I was around 104 kg which is 230 lbs.

  

I have loads of older photos that I will eventually put on this blog to show how fat I am.

I am starting a weight calendar and will update it as I go, but that will be on a daily basis. I am getting a meal plan and some fat burners, and I will also keep you informed on that.

So, that's the post for today. I have a million other things I want to say, but I'll save it for later.